I will say that one thing God is teaching me right now is patience and trust. Almost 2 months ago already, Kasey and I committed to adoption and started the paperwork process. Since then we have changed our minds multiple times about the age range they make you list on the forms, # of siblings, etc. Initially we said 6-10, then lowered to 5-10, siblings 0 which now says siblings 1. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if this changes again between now and final adoption day because we are willing to accept whichever children God has in mind for us. I’m sure someday I will look back at these “specifics” and laugh. And I know He has one or two in mind. Unfortunately due to house size and room #, DHS says we can accept 2 at the most so 2 will be the maximum we can take in this home at this time.
At night my mind races with thoughts about our future kids. Is anyone tucking you in at night? Has anyone ever ever prayed with you or taught you about God’s love? Do you dream about me the way I dream about you? What will you look like, act like, talk like? What are your hopes and dreams? What has happened to you to make you available for adoption? Will you allow me to love you and help you heal from your past? Are you still hopeful for a family or have you given up on finding us?
I can relate to you in that I have a parent that was unable to parent. He didn’t show me love, affection, trust, commitment or any of those core things that parents are supposed to show their children. I still have questions as I know you also will about your parents. I still have moments where I wish he could have loved the way I needed him to. I have more questions than answers. I don’t think those thoughts will ever be completely gone, but I was lucky to have another parent, my mom, to show me all of those things and more. I hope to be that person for you.
Until then, we’ll be waiting..